26 July 05
Friends & Family:
I write to you after a glorious two week binge on the finer things in life. Yes, the Huston family arrived in Accra July 1st, reuniting with their long lost African son. Forgive me if it seems I'm gloating, but I'd like to relive the good times of this eventful month for you.
Highlights:
* Family survives ambush at Accra airport by drunken "do-gooders."
* Lunch with Ghanaian teacher who explains his theory that Americans are from outer space.
* My village Agou fie welcomes the Huston family in a grand and magnificent manner.
* Kofi Dateri (me) becomes Nana Kofi Dateri after being enstooled as development chief of Agou.
* Ma & Pa Huston donate large sum of money to the village, thereby dramatically increasing new dev. chief's capacity to develp Agou.
* My bro Ben scores game winning goal in soccer match played with locals.
* My bros Patrick & Michael brave a night in the bush at my bungalow. Mike meets Nana Lucas.
* Huston family survives 7/7 London bombings
* Ben and I visit every pub we can find and drink to our hearts' delight so as not to let the terrorists win.
* Patrick and I watch a new Star Wars movie that (finally) doesn't suck
* Phantom of the Opera performed at Her Majesty theatre breaks my 5 show streak of falling asleep during theatre plays & musicals
* Ben spends his last day in London watching the Tour de France on the telly in our hotel room, inadvertantly letting the terrorists win.
Now the news in more detail. The ecstasy of our family reunion was interrupted by a large group of "friendly" Ghanaian men who offered to push our luggage carts to our cars. The helpful men suddenly became shameless beggars when we got to our cars. Patrick did his part in eradicating African poverty by giving one man $10, a huge sum of money in Ghana. Fortunately, my ability to speak the local language helped us avoid a potentially ugly situation.
On our way to my village, we had lunch in Ho with two middle-aged Ghanaian friends of mine, a high school science teacher and a fridge repairman. The teacher Mr. Hawkay eloquently articulated his theory of why Americans are so much more technologically advanced and different from Africans: we are from outer space. This is why, he believes, Americans are so eager to explore and travel in space. My father helped refine Mr. Hawkay's theory by explaining how men are from Mars and women from Venus. Only time will tell, right?
My mother made a keen observation on the long drive to Nkwanta. She noticed just how many men (never women) were standing aimlessly by the roadside. They stood alone, without any conversation partner or any other discernible purpose/destination in mind. Sad but true. The only rationale I had for her was the high unemployment rate (15-20%) and the strong patriarchal nature of Ghanaian society. In sharp contrast I couldn't help but notice how few idle bums there were in the streets of London.
I think everyone would agree the most memorable and exciting day of the trip was the day we spent in my remote village. The people really rolled out the red carpet for us. Over 100 people attended the ceremony dressed in their finest attire, including numerous chiefs and headsmen from around the area. The Challa, Konkomba, and Bassary tribes all performed traditional drumming and dancing for us.
The chief of Agou Nana Nyarko gave his opening remarks. In essence, he assured my mom and dad their son was in good hands. He went on to highlight Agou's three major problems: education, health, and poverty. My parents generously decided to donate one million cedis ($110) to the primary school, one million to the local health clinic, and one million to help generate income, e.g. bread oven co-op. I'll keep you posted on how the money is spent.
The next item on the program was a surprise to me. They told me to take off my shirt, shoes, and glasses and come forward. The chief then asked permission from my parents to make a chief. My parents said it was ok. The details of the ritual get hazy from here on since yours truly was virtually blind after removing my glasses. What I recall is our stool father Nana Lucas pouring libations & praying, a live goat being slaughtered in front of everybody, me dipping my right foot in the goat's blood three times, a white cloth being wrapped around my waist, and sitting on a wooden stool three times. Then I recited an oath promising to fulfill the duties of a development chief. I don't think my mother has ever been so horrified and proud at the same time.
Then it was Ben, Patrick, and Mike's turn to represent America on the soccer/football field. There must have been 200+ people watching the game. My favorite part was just after Ben scored a goal, hella people rushed the field and congratulated him. They tried to lift Big Ben on their shoulders like a hero but their efforts were unsuccessful. Nevertheless, Ben's team won 1-0.
Later that evening Michael went with me to greet our stool father, Nana Lucas. Nana recounted one of the great Challa war stories for us. According to him, one hundred years ago the Challa people were attacked by the Ashanti. As natives, the Challas knew the land better so they fled to the highlands and gathered large stones in preparation for an invasion. When the Ashanti raiders came, the Challa rolled a number of large stones down the hill, killing Ashantis by the hundreds. The Ashanti left in defeat and the Challa became owners of the land now known as Agou. Whether its true or not, i don't know, but it was as entertaining listening to the story as anything you're likely to find on the boob tube.
Then off to London. We arrived early on the morning of July the 7th. Londoners were jubilant after just winning the right to host the 2012 Olympics. The mood quickly turned somber as four bombs rocked central London. At the time my family and I were waiting for a taxi only a few blocks away at Paddington station. What can I say? Islamic extremists tried to kill us. Better luck next time, bin Laden.
For purely selfish reasons I submit my newest top 10:
Top 10 reasons you should visit Ghana before London
10. Safety. London is a prime target of terrorism, like NY. Yet most terrorists don't even know where Ghana is.
9. Friendlier. At Accra's Cultural center I made countless friends trying to sell me crap. At Harrod's in London, not one person spoke to me for the whole hour I was there.
8. Less traffic. Ghana roads are full of goats and chickens. London roads are clogged with Masseratis & Mercedez Benz.
7. Beers are bigger. For 1/6 the price you get twice as much beer in Ghana.
6. Ghanaians love foreigners, British are arrogant assholes. Go visit Oxford if you don't believe me.
5. Time travel. London is like any other major US city; Ghana is like any other major US city 100 years ago.
4. When you say you went to London and didn't get malaria it doesn't sound as impressive.
3. The Ghana handshake. The only way to learn the symbiotic snap is by coming here.
2. Will anyone in London sacrifice a goat upon your arrival? Probably not.
1. London will put you in the poor house real fast. In Ghana, the purchasing power of the dollar will make you feel like a King/Queen.
Before my internet time expires let me express my gratitude to big Jon G for his package of soccer balls and LA times. Thanks bro! If anyone else gets their hands on 12 old soccer jerseys and sends them my way i'm pretty sure the people of Agou fie would erect a statue in your honor.
Seasons greetings to all, and to all a good night.
-kris
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